Friday, October 10, 2014
Body Image issues?
So I have been mentally preparing myself to start my 24 Day Challenge on Monday. I am hyped up about it. I have spent far too long accepting the fact that I will never be the size I want to be, and then I realized that if I continue to do nothing about it, nothing will happen. I spent my childhood as the tall, lanky, string bean girl. I was super active all through school and into college. Once I joined the real world and got into the routine of working 60+ hours a week my activity level dropped tremendously. Sitting at a desk all day staring at a computer screen is doing nothing for my waistline.
I won't give you all my stats just yet, but lets just say I am about 80 pounds larger than I would like to be, and about 50 pounds heavier than my doctor finds acceptable. I started to gain a ton of weight right before I got married. I don't know if it was the stress or the knowledge that I was getting married and therefore had free reign to let myself go... whatever the case, that's when it started. Michael and I were engaged for about 21 months before we got married and started trying for a baby about 3 months before the wedding. We had been together for 7 years prior to getting married and we were ready to have a baby. Michael is a few years older than I am and had this irrational fear of being an old dad (weird!). After 9 months of trying to have a baby and about 10 extra pounds of weight gain we finally got a positive pregnancy test! Yey!! Let the morning sickness begin!
I lost about 34 pounds in the first 6 months of my pregnancy. On the day I gave birth I weighed 1 pound more than I did before I got pregnant (not bragging, that was the worst thing I have ever been through). Needless to say it was a rough pregnancy. Most people gain a bunch of weight while pregnant and then try to work it off after the baby is born.... I apparently live in opposite world! I lost a bunch of weight, gained it back, gave birth started out with a clean slate and continued to gain after B was born. It hasn't stopped. It just keeps piling on.
Cleaning out my closets was the worst thing ever!! Going through and finding that the clothes I was just wearing a few months ago have found a comfortable home in the back of my closet now is really sad. I was just griping to Michael that I have no jeans that fit me. I am down to my last 2 pairs that I can squeeze on, only first thing in the morning, and before any food has entered my body. I actually have about 20 pairs of jeans in various sizes of "before I got married". The worst part is that I can't fit into them, the part that makes me angry is that I probably have about $10,000 dollars worth of jeans that I cannot wear. Unfortunately, I was born super tall, and with a penchant for cute jeans. I do not have the ability to walk into any store around and pick up a pair of jeans that fit well. It's just not my reality and it sucks (thanks mom for the amazon genes)!. Shopping is the worst!
About a month ago I changed all of my eating habits, tried really hard to stick with a "home cooked meals only" plan, but I am still slowly creeping up the scale. It seems like no matter what I do I continue to gain. They say that weight loss is 75% diet and 25% exercise, so I figured that by changing the way I eat I would at least see some shift in the scale... I guess that doesn't work for me. No shift has been seen to date. I am now starting this journey with AdvoCare and committing myself to the 24 Day Challenge that they offer. After all it's only 24 days of my life. That's not even a whole month.... I am super excited to see where this plan will take me and ready to see the changes in my body!